Gotta Love Google...

I love statistics. Even when I have hardly any readers, I love to check my blog stats and wonder about who my readers were... especially since I had several hits on a two year-old post recently.

I began to wonder what in the world brought so many people to this particular post, so I checked to find the keyword searches these visitors used. I admit, I had to laugh when I saw the search phrases that brought them to me:

The phrases that brought most of these recent visitors to the blog were:

- 7 1/2 emerald peek tree martha stewart 

- emerald peak tree martha stewart fuse 

- martha stewart 7 1 2 emerald peak tree instructions 

- k-mart emerald peak tree 

- martha stewart christmas tree emerald peak assembly instructions 

- martha stewart emerald peak 7 1/2 ft christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak tree

Apparently, my newest readers don't have any better luck than I do....


I just checked, that particular post is one of the top Google results you get using the above keywords. So, actually, their luck is worse, because when they went to find a solution to their decorating dilemma, they got... well... me.

Needless to say, Delmer's favorite annual post is coming soon....


;-)


(P.S. If you didn't click on the "better luck" link above you can go to December 2009 in the Archive and read the post titled "Humbug" to see why Google associates me with Martha Stewart trees)

MC Antics, Part 2

I left my treatment planner book (the one I needed to do homework) at work. This morning I had to go meet up with the MC at his regular pre-work stop so I could pick up the book, hurry home, and get busy.  (Where does he go every morning? I could tell ya, but I'd have to kill ya).

I asked a lady at said location if she'd seen him. She gave me a puzzled look.

Me: Oh, I'm his intern.

Nice Lady: Oh, you're Kelly, is that right?

Me: Yes, but I'm not as bad as he says, I promise.

Nice Lady: Oh no, I've heard him talk about you. He says you're awesome.

Wow. I've worked really hard in this internship, but to find out he bragged about me? I had to turn my head to keep her from seeing a little tear in the corner of my eye.

I think you're awesome, too, MC.


It's just that my friends know better than to let you in on it!

Quick Post for the Fans of the MC

The semester is almost over... I may see daylight again... I just had to share this with you guys.

On Tuesdays I ride with the MC to one of our work sites in another county. We were consulting about one of his "older clients" on the way.

The MC: Man, I hope when I get old I'm not that crabby.




I almost spit coffee all over the windshield.

Editing

Today, I went back and changed something in my blog.

I wrote this earlier post carefully. I never really thought of my blog as something "widely" read... especially not locally. However, to the persons involved in the story, two identities were obvious. At the time, I really thought I had offered the benefit of the doubt to those people. Honestly, I didn't think they would ever read it, or care what my thoughts were.

Not only did they read it, as I learned today, they were LED to it by others. I also learned that they were very hurt by it.

When I wrote the post, I was careful not to accuse any particular person of any wrong doing. I questioned their thinking, but I should have done that in a private conversation with them: not in conversations with others and not on my blog. The worst part is, while I have questioned their motives, I've honestly always given those motives the benefit of the doubt in my heart. Unfortunately, upon re-reading the entry, I can see why it didn't seem that way.

Today, I ran into one of those people. I noticed a "cool" attitude. I reached out again. This person let me know that my words had hurt. I must say, I admire this person for addressing the issue with me rather than letting it sit. I should have offered this person the same, a long time ago.

Did I really feel the things I wrote at the time? Yes, I did, but, I should have been more careful to point out that the hurtful acts I mentioned in the post had not been committed by the two who could be identified. I have redacted those portions of that entry, but the damage is done. Those people are hurt, and I had never spoken to them about my feelings in the first place. I should have had a conversation with them; I should have heard them out.

So, to any readers who recognize the players in this entry, or even those who don't: it's how I felt at the time,  but I wasn't careful with my words and people who have never done anything to me were hurt. It wasn't fair. It was wrong.

I can't "fix" that, though I wish I could. All I can do, as I promised the person I spoke with today, is remove those parts of the post, and offer a truly heartfelt apology.

I am so very sorry.

Cleaning It Up for Fun and...

Who are we kidding, I want recognition from people I don't even know. Which is bad... more on that later.

You may have noticed when the blog opened that something was missing. Don't fret, the playlist is still there, you just have to turn it on yourself now. Apparently, auto-play playlists on blogs are annoying... who knew?

And... so are archive lists that are too long. And lists of blogs I read... and... and..

 Did I mention I broke the toilet yesterday? I did.

For some strange reason, (although I have bought and installed replacement kits on 2 separate occasions), the little stopper inside the tank goes off track more often than it stays in place... meaning the drain is not plugged I have to take the lid off the tank to get it back in place or face a huge water bill from the water running running running trying to fill the tank.

Yesterday, the lid slipped from my hands and I dropped it (just a few inches!) and it hit the back of the bowl part.

See that hole? 

I didn't think that hole was a big deal, just ugly, something I'd get around to replacing when life wasn't quite so sucky busy.

"MOMMA! The water's running into the floor!" (Clean water from the tank, not the "other" water.)

"(Sigh) Don't worry, you guys are just going to have to use the other bathroom until Momma can fix it."

Later in the evening, à la Bil Keane, somebody snuck into the house and used the broken toilet!

The Culprit? NOT ME!!!

That's okay Mr. NOT ME... I fixed your little wagon...

Let's see the smarmy little (*%*&^$* get past THAT!

Ahem!

So in a few minutes I'm off to buy a toilet and ruin spend part of the rest of my day installing it.

What did I start this post with? Oh, yeah, changes to the blog.

I was thinking of submitting JustKellyHere in for a blog review. I checked the review site, and apparently they HATE auto-play playlists, long archive lists (Mine isn't that long. Does that archive list make my butt look big?) and (their words) Long A** Linky Love Lists. (I like links. I care about my links. They stay.)

I read some of their site and they don't seem very nice. Do I really want to submit my little love-labor to these evil folks for them to tear apart? Well, there is the remote chance they'd like it, and isn't it fun when that person who hates everybody, hates everybody, but you? 

Maybe that's why sites set up for the sole purpose of making fun of people are so popular, so we can look at them and think "At least that's NOT ME."


Ya know what? I don't need their approval. More power to them as they do what they do,  but I'm taking my little blog and going home.

So, you guys rate JustKellyHere. Please tell me what you like and what you don't in the comments. Let me know if you want the playlist put back on auto-play.

I'm going to buy a toilet.

Okay, So I'm Full of Myself. Meanwhile, you can fill up on Five-Minute Chocolate Cake

The MC asked me why I blog. He does. not. get. it. When I tried to answer him, I didn't get it either, or at least not well enough to tell him. I told him about always wanting to write, the original mission of this blog and so on.

What surprised me was he didn't call BS. (I hope because the answer I gave him was mostly true.) The teensy part I didn't mention (but I'm sure he knows) is that blogging appeals to my ego. I'm owning up to it. The idea that people actually come see what I'm up to, actually enjoy reading what I write, feeds that little sucker. This especially true since I started monitoring hits with a couple stat counters.. it's so fun to see that little spike in the graph! (Besides, you people are so stingy with comments... I digress.) I also noticed that when I blog more often, I get more hits per entry... go figure. Gotta keep it current.

So, with that in mind, I recently made a deal with myself to blog more often, shooting for twice a week. I realize I'm going to have to be entertaining to keep you coming back. Unfortunately, my brain is shutting down from papers and studying and school projects and work projects and elementary school stuff, and kid stuff and Friends' stuff and my stuff and at some point if I kept going along this vein your eyes would being seeing the words but your brain would be hearing the following, and you'd probably be doing what Peppermint Patty is doing here:

So, I've been scoping out other blogs for sources of entertainment for you people. One technique I discovered for those "hard to come up with material" days is the photo essay. 

SO, for your entertainment and edification, I now present to you a photo essay from a recipe someone sent me on email. I actually posted this on Facebook about 6 months ago... but I'm short on brainpower and this is easy. If you don't enjoy it, I'm sorry. (But will you please please please keep coming back anyway?)

Five Minute Chocolate Cake

Warning! Dangerous! Continue at your own risk! If you read this you will be only five minutes away from chocolate cake at any given time!!!!

First you need these... a tablespoon a butter knife...
and you also need a large coffee mug (not shown)

Put 4 tablespoons of this in the mug

Then 4 tablespoons of this

Then 2 tablespoons of this...
Stir all the dry ingredients with the butter knife until 
well blended...

Break this and put it in the mug...
Stir stir stir with the butter knife until well blended...

Add 3 tablespoons of this

Then 3 tablespoons of this...
Stir stir stir

Now 3 tablespoons of these, stir stir stir

Just a splash of this, stir, stir stir

All stirred up it looks like this!

Pop it in here, if it's 1000 watt, just set for 3 minutes, 
if it's stronger, lower the power setting. 
I set mine for 9 but I think 8 might have been better. 
It will start growing

And growing

And GROWING EVEN MORE!!! 
(Next time I think I will try a bigger mug,
 but the recipe said it would grow out of the top)

Take your butter knife and run it around the edges... 
Dump it on a plate...
Have a little taste...

And the verdict is... pretty darn tasty! *

Makes enough for 3 really, but B.B. didn't want any!
Ice cream makes it PERFECT!

Enjoy!


* Thanks for playing, uh, neighbor kid...

Dealing with Frustration in a Therapeutically and Nutritionally Sound Manner

Arrrgh!

The MC and I had a conversation about this very expression the other day.

I was typing out some paperwork, hit a snag, emitted a quiet but frustrated, "Arrgh!"

(The) MC: How do you do that?

Me: What?

MC: You do it all the time. Wait, let me back up, when you make that noise, are you completely thrown or can you go right back to it?

Me: I go right back to it, why?

MC: I couldn't. That would throw me completely.

Me: You learn how. I do that to get my frustration out.

MC: (Snickering) So you're saying you let it out a little at at a time so you don't get impatient, like, say, I do?

Me. Your words not mine, Dude, your words not mine.

Aaaand speaking of frustration and impatience... 

B.B. is still pretty excited about kindergarten, all except for the walking everyday at recess.

What? You say your kindergartener didn't have to do that? That could be because your kindergartener isn't as evil high-spirited as Little Miss Boo.  In a week and a half she's managed to go ONE WHOLE DAY with no punishable offenses. YAAAY B.B.! One day in 10! Let's shoot for 2 next week!

She was quick to point out she only had to walk for 5 minutes of her recess today, usually she gets ten minutes. Hey, improvement's improvement, I'll take it.

Momma (me, not MY Momma) is rather diggin' the Kindergarten scene, too. For this one year, I have both babies under the same roof. Driving to only one location (rather than all over L-town) every morning is Suh-weet!  

That said, time diminished my memories of what Kindergartener-parenting entailed. I've been spoiled by the angelic Miss P.D. of the upper-elementary grades. P.D. does her homework. P.D. only needs Momma to check her backpack periodically. Fifth-graders (Fifth grade? Where did the time go?) aren't required to bring in snack for the whole class once a month.

I had also forgotten the rigors of 702 KAR 6:090. What's 702 KAR 6:090 you ask?  It is the Kentucky "Minimum nutritional standards for foods and beverages available on public school campuses during the school day" 

You buy that don't you? I don't. I've seen what they serve through the cafeteria... However, it IS the standard sent home with the note telling you that you need to get ready for your child's snack day turn. Kindly enough, they also send a list of 45 pre-approved, pre-packaged snacks for you to choose from at your shopping leisure. How convenient!

B.B.'s day to bring snack is tomorrow. I told P.D. to put a check by the ones she thought would be the best so I wouldn't end up buying B.B. a "nerdy" snack for her first snack day. Nothing but coolness for my baby.  That pecking order forms early. P.D. made some good choices, Baked chips, animal crackers, Teddy Grahams... easy, right? Everybody carries the little individual packages of these items, right?

Uh, no. No they don't.

We strolled non-nonchalantly through the L-town Kroger this afternoon without a care in the world. We only needed a few items, it was only 4:45, we'd take our time and enjoy our shopping. At just over 3/4 of the way through the  store, maybe Aisle 12, we arrived in the "cracker" aisle, perfect place to find pre-packaged animal crackers, or Cheese Nips or Teddy Grahams, right?

Animal Crackers? Wrong brand. Cheese Nips? None. Teddy Grahams? Wrong size package. Nabisco 100 Calorie Wheat Thin Packs? No multi-packages containing only the Wheat Thins, but variety packs with the Wheat Thins and 2 kinds that weren't on the list. That's okay, the 702 KAR 6:090 guidelines are right here on the list, only 3 main criteria to worry about: Sugar Content, Percent of Calories from Fat, and Sodium Content. Let me check on the back of these other two bad boys... at only 100 calories they gotta pass, right?

Fail.

After 20 minutes of this, we trouped back across the store to the breakfast food, Aisle 4: list in hand, forget cool. Surely Kroger would have

Chex Morning Mix snack packs? No.

Single serving packages of:

     Kellogg's Corn Flakes? No.
     Frosted Mini Wheats? No.
     Raisin Bran? No.
     Good Old Cheerios? No.

We reversed direction, this time to Aisle 13, the chip aisle. Where the heck were the Baked Lay's mini bags? Luckily a nice young man in a Kroger shirt happened by. I showed him the list and he mentioned a couple items he thought they might have in stock. He also directed me to the Lay's variety packs. (B.B.'s number one choice by this time) Back in Aisle 1. *sigh*

We arrived back in the bread section to find the correctly-sized bags of chips, Yaay!

None of these were baked chips, as required by 702 KAR 6:090 ... Booooooo.

We trudged back to Aisle 4 in search of the Quaker Chewy Granola bars, Chocolate Chips. The heavens opened up and an ethereal light shone down, the "angel" music played... lo and behold, LEGAL* SNACKS!!!!

Except, B.B. said, "NO Mommy! That's what we had for snack TODAY! Those aren't very good, Mommy."

I'm exhausted. By this time it's almost 6:30. Yet, how could I send my baby daughter, on her very first turn for snack-day, to school with a snack she didn't even like? That would just be cruel! Yet, in adherence with the nutritional wisdom of the 1990 Kentucky General Assembly, I HAD to comply with 702 KAR 6:090, right?

We made a different selection.



This was the one other item at the L-town Kroger that met the criteria espoused by 702 KAR 6:090, and therefore, made it to the "acceptable" list:

Banana-Flavored Cream-Filled Cakes covered in Crisco! YUM!!!!

*Sigh* Only in Kentucky....

*Kroger also had the Quaker Chewy Granola Bars in PEANUT BUTTER Chocolate Chip, (as approved on the list) but as any good elementary-school-aged child's mother knows, you go to hell for sending any product containing peanuts to school.

New Site... Together We Can Grow a Garden

Amy "Sweetness" Matalka

Okay, FIRST go here: http://plantasimpleseed.blogspot.com/ and then come back.

I was sent a link to this site earlier tonight. It's pretty self-explanatory, but,  in case you miss this message in the comments, I'm including it here:

To get cards, send an email to Marygina@fuse.net... we are working on a PDF download which will be added to this page soon!

Readers, followers, blogger buddies, get on board, please. Send that email. Post it on your sites. Pass it on.

Aaaaah! and Texting with the MC

Okay, all of you who encouraged me and said I could do this grad school thing and be a single mom and hold a job/manage an internship: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!

If you're guilty of this, please raise your hand...

(Looking up seeing hand) Oh, this was originally MY idea wasn't it? (Well, sort of)

I have 4 baskets of clean laundry still waiting to be folded... (Okay, so that's not really new).

I have a new shower curtain somewhere in this mess that once resembled our living space... if I could find it to put it up...

I have a passel of car-wash supplies I bought 2 weeks ago (not to mention a gently used wet/dry vac Daddy gave me 3 weeks ago) hoping I'd find an 2-hour window in which to attack Kermit...

My hair is longer than it's ever been... not because I want it long but because I can't find time to get it cut.

I have SERIOUS grad-school Senioritis...

I have children who are starting to forget what I look like...

Hopefully,  I'll remedy some of that this weekend. Then... between Monday, August 22 and Thanksgiving I'll have two (count them, 1, 2) of  sixteen weekends off until Thanksgiving. I will have eight (count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 6, 7, and 8) internship classes to attend from 6-9 pm on every other Thursday night. I will have clinic on Tuesdays, which means no getting home before 7 pm  on seventeen (count them 1, 2, 3... oh nevermind) Tuesdays in that period. Oh, and that doesn't even touch the HOMEWORK I'll be doing, the tests I'll have to take.

But then, I'll be DONE. At least with THIS chapter's struggles. MAN I want a cigarette, but I'm 3 months, 2 weeks and 11 hours smoke-free, so I can't even do THAT!!!

Speaking of done, I'm wrapping up this semester's paperwork this week. Part of that is my evaluation of the Master Counselor, (the MC) then his evaluation of me. As you may have guessed, every now and then, I have to remind Mr. OCD to take a breath to avoid a freak-out. Last night, I had class at 6, but 5:50 I hadn't heard from my babysitter and had to call for backup... knowing class had already begun while I waited. No pressure. To amuse myself, I texted the MC.

Me: What's that I'm always telling you to do? Breathe?

MC: Yes, what's up?

Me: Babysitter didn't show. Waiting for backup... I'm okay... Just not breathing. :-/

Later, in internship class, I got his reply:

MC: S--t happens! (yes, he put the dashes in... sometimes he chooses to show a semblence of tact)

Me: Be nice to me. I'm evaluating you as we speak.

MC: Ya but don't forget, I play a role role in your FINAL grade.

Me: Look here you old coot, you should be looking for grade HIGHER than an A to give to me for putting up with your S--t!

(Okay, so I didn't really send that last one, but I WANTED to.)

Cussing and Conversating* with Cap

Okay, one of the things I've debated in writing my blog is the cuss-factor. I went for years without saying a cuss word. I grew up around cussing, so in a way it's part of how I learned to communicate. (You like how I rationalized that, don't you?)

Facebook put me back in touch with many old friends... friends who knew me when I cussed like a sailor... and I found cussing creeping back into my vocabulary. I rarely cuss in my blog, (I won't say never, because as soon as I do someone will point out at least 3 examples, and I can think of some). I try to keep it pretty clean in the blog because most of the traffic here comes from Facebook and I have my theatre babies, nieces, nephews and cousins in my friend lists. On a rare occasion, a story or exchange is just funnier with a cuss-word in it. It just is. 

I say all that to say this: the upcoming link includes cussing. I would say all kinds of nice things about making blog friends, but Cap said it for me. And maybe since I'm directing you to it, I'll learn not to be so horrified that she posted it.... 

Cap's Betrayal

* "Conversating" is a word from Cap's blog. 

Cheat Post

Besides internally debating whether to tell you people about the topic-I-say-I-am-avoiding, I've also been busy working on the "Book of Me" for my Life-cycle Class. I have different assignments for different pages of the book.

I am NOT creative in visual arts. I wish I was. In fact, I wished SO HARD that I was, my journalism degree has a emphasis in advertising and PR... I designed ads for much of the early part of my after-college career. I'm pretty good at figuring out how to use publishing software. I know what I like when I see it. I can create a decent logo and "thematic plan" for company stationery. I can re-create what I see with the right tools, but creating visual magnificence in my own?

Uh, not really.

So, this assignment has been taxing to say the least. I want my stuff to be phenomenal... but the grade doesn't require visual phenomenal. I don't think I'm capable of visual phenomenal anyway. I settled for quick and dirty.

However, I think Dr. A has been sufficiently impressed at my ability to accomplish the unstated goals, while effectively rebelling against the stated parameters, of each and every assignment. Mostly 'cause I'm just charming enough to get by with it. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle 'em....*

Anyway, since I've been so busy with that stuff, I'm cheating tonight and posting the first assignment, The "Now" of my Life. The assignment (the abbreviated version) was:

Get a recent picture of yourself. Glue it to the center of the memory-book paper. Cut out symbols from the magazines and catalogs to describe:

• Your greatest achievement 
• A disappointment 
• Your values 
• Relationships that are important for you today 
• Hobbies 
• A wish or wishes for the future **

Glue these symbols around your picture. Try NOT to cut out words,*** because symbols can be more graphic. Once you have your collage, use your writing paper to describe what the symbols mean. Write a summary about yourself as you are today.

(When you read the write up, you have to pretend you don't really know me and haven't read How Widowhood Has Impacted My Life a million times, K? K.)

The phrases correspond to the bold type in the write up.
If you click on the picture it will blow it up. I recommend right-clicking
and opening in another tab or window.

The Now of My Life

As I expected, I had a great deal of difficulty finding “symbols” to represent my life. The assignment specified to try to use symbols instead of words, but no pictures I found seemed to reflect my current experiences, values and mindset. Besides, I love to write, I love words.

Although I don’t expect I will see myself as “Deat’s Widow” forever, our marriage, and his life has been the most relevant factor influencing every aspect of my world during the past 13 years. I know his death and the changes it brought continued to impact nearly every facet of the past 3 and ½, as is reflected in the choices I made for this page. 

We start this page in the top right corner, and move clockwise.

The most important of these is the be well, the theme to recovering from this loss, particularly since I often wondered if “well” was something I’d ever be again. My “little problem solvers” are my daughters, and my motivators when I wasn’t finding motivation in any other realm, when I was “hitting myself in the head.” The three of us were/are: “THE BRAVE,” standing together in the face of a devastating loss and facing the world together. Oh, and we are “Incredibly Nice.”

Still, motivation wasn’t enough. Merely surviving wasn’t enough. Depression and sadness was a dead end. I had to set a goal for the future: to get organized, to find joy in the family life I have instead of lamenting the one we had planned but were denied. Perhaps the most empowering step in that process was making the decision to return to school for my master’s degree.

Our life changes still present challenges, and sometimes not everyone in the house is on board with the sacrifices we have to make to get to this new place… sometimes Mommy’s Little Monster rears her little head. But, Life LIVES in our house. Between the positive changes we’re making, our old friends and the new friends who have come into our lives, I have to say, 

I’m Blessed.

* Five extra points for finishing that phrase

** Ten points for finding every one of those things in the write up. (Hurry, I have to tell Dr. A where they are!)
*** I never have excelled in the "follows directions" column of my report card...

Where Was I?

Where've I been? Indecisiveville!

Luckily, I wasn't driving Kermit to get there. I drove the MC in Kermit to lunch earlier today... (Yaaay! Lunch is primo MC-brain-picking time.) I asked the MC about a sound Kermit was making and he listed a couple things it could be, stressing that I needed to get it checked out soon.

Where was I? Yes, Indecisiveville. (And apparently A.D.D.-ville as well... ahem!)

I wasn't sure what I thought, how I felt, what I should do about several different issues... and I wasn't even sure how to put those things into words. I still don't know, but at least I don't feel as lost as I did.

As some of you know The Gusto Theatre managed to put on 2 more shows after the one they originally planned to end with. The final show was this past Sunday, but I had to be out of town. I felt horrible that I wasn't there with my Theatre Babies. In the days leading up to that final show and each day since, I've felt I needed to write something earth-shatteringly touching and special, just to honor my love for each and every one one of them. 

Tonight though, thinking it over, I don't think I could write anything wonderful enough to live up to my love for them. I know, they know. My hope for them is one they'll recognize, a favorite quote of Mr. Dowell's.... 

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt (who will in my mind, will forever sound a lot like our beloved Jonathan): 

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

I read that again, and it kind of/sort of segues me right back into talking about working with the Master Counselor. For the last couple weeks, I've been wondering whether I would continue to intern with him next semester. It's not that I wanted to leave, I wasn't sure that he wanted me to stay.

As I've said before, the program he's developed is pretty amazing... and his passion for helping the population he serves is undeniably infectious. However, as I've also said before, he can be very gruff... in some ways easy to read but in others, not so much. Several pow-wows later, and I still don't want to leave, gruff though he may be. He puts himself out there, really doing something to help, and I can't help to want to be a part of that in whatever way I can be. God isn't showing me indications that I should leave, so until HE says it's time to go, I'll stay.

Later this afternoon I had a major screw up... something I couldn't help, but in a moment of OCD panic, the MC called me on the carpet. I listened with complete calm as he said his piece, turned on his heel and disappeared into his office. My typical MO in previous years, heck even recent months, in such a situation would have been to become overwhelmed and then to burst into tears. Today however, I didn't bat an eye. Later, when he called me in to discuss it, he was completely fair with me and understood completely the choices I had made and that in the process of learning I was bound to make mistakes. I've pondered if my calm came from simply moving out of my depression recently, if it showed growth on my part (some of it due to his example), or if it was simply from knowing that he WOULD be fair with me as soon as he calmed down. We have a good working relationship, an acceptance of one another, warts and all. And that's worth sticking around for.

Finally, I've been debating how much to share with you all about some other issues in my life. Cap says I should, but Cap is braver than me. I'm not sure what you'll think, I'm not sure if I'll look silly. (You know it's major if I'm CONCERNED about looking silly).Then again, this-topic-I-say-I-am-avoiding could be nothing at all but a cheap ploy to get you to come back hoping I'll spill my guts. Tune in next time...

I think I'll just wait until something in that situation happens that is so funny that I'll have to share it with you guys for the cheap laugh. I'll do anything for the cheap laugh.

Oh, I'm sure there's more I could write, but I have to get up in the morning to take Kermit to the dealership to get him checked out. Halfway home this afternoon, the MC called to remind me that I needed to go SOON. :) He won't admit it, but he likes working with me, too.

A Good Reminder

Sorry I haven't been around... tons going on and I really haven't come to any logical conclusions as to how I feel about much of it... so I've been debating and hiating (the verb form or hiatus... I just made that up! I think...) with myself.

In the interim, however, I figured I'd better put SOMETHING up to entertain. Actually, for this link, I think "uplifted" is a better description to how I felt when I read it. Enjoy:

http://www.wkyt.com/blogs/sanctified/Living_in_the_Margin_124286624.html

Tidying Up

Sigh...

The world encroaches yet again on my imaginary playground...

I knew this day was coming, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. Early on in my schooling for counseling, I learned that I'd have to be very private about my private life. I realized  that I'd have to "fix" my blog. I just didn't expect it would be so soon. I didn't realize it would be so easy to "stumble" across it.

Someone ran a search using bare facts about me... and found it lickety-split. I'm not angry with the searcher, I would have been curious, too. I just didn't realize I'd be found so easily... even without my last name. I've removed my last name, and I'm undergoing the painstaking process of finding every instance with the girls' names and changing those. You'll find their identifiers in "Peeps"... sigh.

"P.D." hates her new name, and I don't blame her. I hate that I have to change it, that's not the name I gave her. Although part of me still feels that people are basically good and doesn't think anyone would use the information here against me... it's not my place to be so trusting. My job is to err on the side of caution in any matter that could impact my babies.

I'm wondering if I should change the name of the town I live in, or my hometown, or Deat's hometown. They're all three pretty small places.   I want to complain some more, but I have to get back at it.

Please pardon the mess while we undergo reconstruction.

A Distraction Beats Flowers... No Contest

I'm not sure how to write about this, how to handle it in the best way, but I have to try.

A blogger friend of mine's mother went into the hospital yesterday. It's easy to tell from her writing that she and her mom share a wonderful relationship... heck, I love her mother and I've only read about her. Her mom has had several health problems in the last couple years... and I could "read" the fear in my friend's "voice" in yesterday's post. I hurt for her, because I remember.

I remember what it was like to watch the physical deterioration of someone you love and feel powerless to do anything about it. I remember the second-guessing you put yourself through, only wanting the very best for this person, a person you love so much you'd trade places with in a minute because their well-being is THAT important to you. I remember the anger you feel at anyone else involved in their care because they just aren't doing ENOUGH... don't they know how important this is? I remember the LONG stretches of time in the hospital, just waiting, waiting to see what's coming... hoping upon hope it won't be the worst. 

I remember trying to read to break up the time... to try to find something, anything to be a distraction from what this hospital stay COULD mean. And I remember being unable to focus long enough to even get through first chapter of the book I bought the day of his first hospitalization... even though I tried during each of his five hospital stays. (I didn't actually read it until over a year after he died).

So, I thought to myself, what did I WANT people to do? I wanted them to distract me. I wanted them to show the customary concern for what was happening, then I wanted them to talk about ANYTHING else. Walk me to the cafeteria for a snack or some dinner. Engage me in anything that gave me a few brief minutes when I could think about something else... especially something that would make me laugh. Either that or just LISTEN to me talk about what was happening, out loud, to help me get a handle on it.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen very often. I don't BLAME anyone or feel resentment that more people didn't provide that at all, how would anyone know? I didn't know how to ASK for that, and at the time, with my mind so full of other things, it really didn't occur to me TO ask for it. Make no mistake... I had more than my share of blessings from our friends and family during Deat's illness, and I'm sure many people were afraid that coming to the hospital or calling me on my cell would be akin to intrusion during a difficult time... but it would have been welcome.

I wish I could offer my friend lunch in the cafeteria, but she's too far away. I can't do that, so I'm trying to send her simple notes with some goofy spin to try to make her smile. I don't know if it's helping, but I know she appreciates my small effort, and that means a lot to me.

 I just thought tonight, this would be a good opportunity to tell folks in case you know someone who could sure use the distraction, now, or in the near future. Don't wait for him or her to ask. Just call and offer, or just stop by the hospital... if it's not something your friend would want, he or she can let you know. But if it IS something he or she would want, I'll betcha he or she, like me, just doesn't know how to ask.

A Free E

Still reading old posts from Capricorn Cringe... (The Friggin' Cat House in my blog list) still ignoring the laundry pile. I keep thinking if I ignore it, it will suddenly go away...

Anyway, came across one where she had accidentally added an E on her cousin's name, so I thought I'd tell you my E story...

My first name was (is) Anne, with an "e". (ex: Anne Kelly Maiden) My best friend throughout childhood and beyond is Ann, with no "e". So, at some point, while I was in elementary school, I asked Daddy why my Anne had an "e" but Ann's name didn't have one.

"You want the truth?"

"Well, yes sir."

"When you were born, that nurse asked me, 'Lafayette, does this Ann(e) have an "e" on it or not? I said, 'Does it cost anything to put an "e" on there?' She said, 'no' so I said 'Well give 'er all she can have then!'"

There was an "e" on my Anne because it didn't cost extra...

When I got married, I dropped "Anne", my first name, the name I didn't use. Having a first name that I didn't use just made my mail confusing anyway.  I wanted to keep my maiden name, but I'm not into hyphens, so I made my maiden name my middle name. (Kelly Maiden Married)

A few years after we moved to L-town, Daddy had to send me something in the mail. I was surprised to see an envelope addressed in his handwriting, instead of my mother's. It was made out to Mrs. Kelley Maiden Married... with an arrow pointing to the underlined "e".

Above the arrow, was a note: FREE "E"!

Daddy just wanted to make sure, even after my marriage and name change, I still got the full benefit of my free "e". Daddy always looks out for me.

Bringing the MC into 2010(1) and Texting with Kelly

I've tried to present the Master Counselor in the best light because 1. I'm grateful for my job and 2. I genuinely like the MC.

I've told you he's OCD. I've told you he's intimidating at times... so what I've hinted at, but I haven't really come out and said is, 1. He's WAY set in his ways, 2. He can be a major grouch if things don't go the way he wants them to or the way he thinks they should, PARTICULARLY technology-related tasks. Luckily, (and in his defense) he CAN laugh at himself and he's also very self-aware and would freely admit to these flaws. (Um, I think. Yeah, he would, 'cause he really could give a rat's hind-end what you think of him.)

Anyway, the forms overhaul...  I set up headers (logos, if you will) for both the satellite office and the main practice. I also set up footers for both. The MC was smart enough to save all his forms in rich text format so they'd open anywhere... and I could easily edit them from my machine. Unfortunately, he was also running his documents out of Word '03... and Word '03 didn't feature the font I used to set up the main office logo... not to mention I didn't have a clue as to how to add the headers and footers to his header/footer template library so he wouldn't have to copy/paste everything from other documents. So I casually mentioned on Wednesday that he really should upgrade, that it would be so much better... Note CASUALLY.

This morning I came in early, and the MC had a client in his office so I had to hang out in the front office for a bit. Lee* comes in on Friday mornings to clean, so I chatted with her while I waited. She casually mentioned that he had been frustrated when he came in this morning because he bought and loaded Word 2010 and couldn't get any of his non-.rtf files to open. I started (jokingly) packing up my things.

Lee: where are you going?
Me: I'm getting out of here before he gets out of that session!
Lee: Wha?
Me: It was MY IDEA for him to upgrade!
Lee: Oh man!
Me: He will kill me. It won't be pretty.
Lee: It might not be too bad, he didn't sound too evil when he said your name earlier...

Luckily I had some time to research the problem and print out "fixes" before his session ended. And true to type, he made a beeline for me as soon as his client left. I held up my printed research like a shield. I went to his computer, opened Word 10 and opened a file... no problem.

MC: How'd you do that?
Me: Through Word
MC: I want to open them the way I've always opened them! Can't you make them do THAT?
Me: Grumble...

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the "open with" command to work... not even by browsing for Word 10. I ended up calling technical support, and spent an hour on the phone with "Steve" who had to take over the computer and spend another hour or so  fixing it.

MC: (Watching) Why can't you do that? Why did you have to let someone overseas do it? You're the guru.
Me: He's fixing the registry. I appreciate your confidence, but registry issues are above my pay grade. They make the top of my head blow clean off.

That seemed to satisfy him... but he latched on to "above my pay grade" and I suspect anything he thinks I can't do will be "above my pay grade" for the next few weeks. It's okay, I've proved him wrong before... ;-)

It's Friday night. (Well, technically it's early Saturday morning, but I wanted to get this done before... well, I'll add that at the end. I got a text from Kelly earlier:

Kelly: You up?
Me: Yes... on a date.
Kelly: Cool. I'll not interrupt.
Me: Oh, you're not. It's with 2 guys... Ben & Jerry.
Kelly: Smh...


As for why I had to get this done... well I won't be near a computer for a couple days. Why? It's in the chorus...**



*not her real name
** don't forget to turn off the player on the right!

Lesson Planning While Mowing

It's my day off and the Girls have been at G&V's all week... I'll be heading that way Friday or Saturday, haven't made up my mind which.

I just finished mowing the too-tall grass in the backyard and I believe the girls and I will be having a Zen-grammar lesson when they return home. It will start with me pointing at the trashcan...

Okay my little grasshoppers, what is this? That's right, a trash can...

A THING

And what kind of noun is it? Correct! It's a THING!

(Yes, they'll get that, we own the Schoolhouse Rock DVDs, including the song below)



But! What if I told you this lowly trashcan TRANSCENDS the confines of being only one type of noun? What if I told you it can be BOTH of the other kinds of noun too?

A PERSON

You see, this trashcan is our FRIEND. Mr. Trashcan opens his mouth and eats all the stuff we don't want, and holds it until we can take it out front to his big brothers,  who also hold it until the nice garbage men come and take those nasty unwanted things away.

Isn't that nice of Mr. Trashcan? AND!

A PLACE

This trashcan is a place, a place you MUST learn to make a destination in your lives. This trashcan is THE PLACE you immediately go when you are out in the backyard and you've just finished say

• a bottle of bubbles,
• Or a Popsicle,
• Or a bottle of water...

You should then realize your hand now holds an EMPTY

• bubble bottle,
• Or Popsicle wrapper,
• Or water bottle...

Think "TRASHCAN! That's where I need to be!"

And don't OPEN that hand until you get there; do NOT allow any of these items to fall into the grass where Mr. Mower can get hold of them.

This trashcan is the PLACE to go. Do not continue playing. Do not head for the swing, or your little club area, or anywhere else. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Go DIRECTLY to the trashcan.

Got it, Grasshoppers? Tomorrow we'll be learning about the noun-hood of Ms. Kitchen Sink.

This lesson falls under the MMPP (Mean Momma Prevention Plan) along with running and getting my nicotine gum for me whenever I ask.

Now, snatch the pebble from my hand...

All Fired Up

Annnnd I'm back.

Some brief announcements:

The Master Counselor sends his apologies for not doing anything particularly amusing today to blog about. (Aside from just BEING the MC, which is amusing in and of itself.) This is a balancing act... clients say and do lots of funny things during the day, but I can't blog about them (confidentiality, you know). Luckily, the MC is fair game. Unfortunately, he knows this and has been on best behavior.

Wait, its not particularly funny, but I was the victim of an MC quirk today.... and I managed to go almost all day without any nicotine gum as a (happy?) result.  On satellite-office days, I ride with the MC to work: it's in another town, and he drives right past my street to get there. He told me yesterday he'd be here between 9:15 and 9:30 a.m. to pick me up today. Silly me, I forgot that 9:15 is 8:45 in MC-speak. Actually, I didn't forget, I just hoped I'd be wrong. I was dressed and ready when he got here, but I hadn't stocked my purse with gum yet. I made it through the day fairly well on placebo gum, but I'm on my second piece with nicotine juice since I got home, and I've only been here a couple hours. And Fantasia still plays in my head...

In other news... Remember T.L.C., the one who comments in my posts? You know, the ONE who comments on my posts? (ahem) Anyway, she has a new address for her blog, and I've linked to the new one down in the" Blogs I Follow", so you'll be able to see when she's posted something new, and get there more easily. Our styles are nothing alike, but she posts some insightful stuff, you should check it out when she gets it really up and running. Just sayin'.

The rest:

Oh, and have you guys noticed my playlist has commercials in it now? BOO. Still, I worked on that playlist too long... I'm keeping it.

Now I believe there comes a time when everything just falls in line...

Oops, I was singing aloud wasn't I? (#3 on the player.) Actually very apropos for the REST of what I wanted to write about: 3 years of blogging. Yes, I know my archive says 2, but I have a year's worth of blogs from the previous year posted on that first day here.

As most of you know, this blog began during my first year of widowhood. I look back at some of those posts and almost "see" the cloud that hung over me during that period... even in the cheery posts. I "see" that cloud (in some periods, even darker) over the second year... but I don't "see" that cloud anymore. I'm finally used to presenting "me". I can finally do that without feeling a need to qualify my identity with his. I don't feel a lingering depression that just won't go away... dare I believe, maybe it finally did.

I like getting out of bed in the morning. I look forward to discovering what each day holds again. I look forward to life "as is" instead of "what life was supposed to be." And that's the difference between THIS post and all the "I think I'm better" posts along the way.

However, I will say... when I read over those old posts, especially in the "What Happened" posts before Deat's death, I see a woman who looked to the Lord more for guidance than the woman I see in the mirror does now. And I'm not pleased with that. Luckily, God knows I'm ADD. He keeps revealing to me how those "Oooh, shiny!" moments, the ones that contradict having the courage of my convictions, that send me off-course, could become really painful if I keep following them. He keeps adding people to my life who remind me I need to stay close to Him. New seeds have been planted.

I also find myself being more careful, more selective, about what I say now. I suppose then, it was "more okay" to be vulnerable: I wasn't good at being anything BUT vulnerable. I'm going to try to go back to sharing what's actually in my heart... but for those of you who enjoy it, don't worry, I'll be laughing at the crazy things I observe, too.  I was writing to a new blog friend about the start of JustKellyHere the other day, and I think what I said there sums it all up nicely:

I was much more honest and open in my blog in the first year or two... mostly because dealing with my grief was kind of THE POINT of the blog. Back then, hardly anyone knew it existed...  Writing those posts was very healing for me. I really wasn't sure who "Just Kelly" was... It's interesting to me to go back and read those posts: they're me, but not me. I guess that means I figured it out. And that's kind of the point, too. .  

My New Slogan

Stop. Go. Justkellyhere.

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator. Get more JustKellyHere slogans.

Stole this from Capricorn Cringe from a post way back in her blog. I'm reading 3 year old posts from her blog so I can ignore the laundry pile RIGHT BESIDE ME waiting to be folded...

Ugh, I just reminded myself... guess I have to go now... (pout)


In other news... (See how I did that? ADD is so handy sometimes.) Tomorrow is the LONG day of the work week so I'll be carefully observing the MC for something blog-worthy. Stay tuned!

Happy 3rd Birthday Blog!

Sorry I missed it by 6 minutes!

Blog Time I Didn't Want...Except...

I didn't plan to blog today. I had lots of plans for getting other things in my life accomplished... Except...

This week has been crazy hectic. To explain:

Prior to my tenure with him, and in all his brilliance, the Master Counselor devised a counseling program that is unique to Kentucky. I can't say more than that or risk revealing his identity. (If I told ya, I'd have to kill ya, mostly, because he'd kill me.) I am very impressed with said program... but I wasn't impressed with the forms for documentation. Well, I take that back... considering the difference between my technological experience and his, I was VERY impressed with the forms he created... they just needed a little tweaking for consistency's sake and to make them easier to edit later.

So, I set about creating a "style" for his documentation and redesigning the forms a bit...  it was just going to be something to piddle with when I had free-time between other assignments. I figured it would also benefit me in that I'd learn more about his program and real-world counseling documentation in the process.

Let me say something right here to further explain why this project is so important to me: The MC pays me even though he didn't have to. I need the hours and experience I get in his office in order to graduate.  He even pays me for the hours I spend observing while he counsels clients. To say I feel an extreme debt of gratitude to the MC is an understatement; this project represented my chance to bring something of real value to him.

The MC liked my initial work, but other chores needed to take precedence... until last Wednesday. On Wednesday morning he announced that a government agency (who shall also remain nameless) would be coming in one-week hence to inspect the program at the satellite office... and he wanted all his documentation forms and program introductions in the new style... (No pressure Kel, just do your thing! Gulp..)

So we've spent hours and hours editing, revising and revamping. I couldn't wait to see what the inspector would think of them... Except...

When I asked the MC Monday if I could observe the inspection he said he thought the fewer people present at the inspection, the better; and his partners in the program would be there as well. No big, except I really wanted to go. We spent yesterday at his satellite office and had a really good day, so (hoping in his good mood, he would change his mind) I asked again, and got the same answer. (Oh well, rats.) This morning I went in to his main office early to help him put the finishing touches on his files and et cetera before the meeting.

The MC looked at me and said, "I've been thinking, it must be really important to you to be present for that inspection to have asked me twice. If you can be quiet and defer ANY question they have to me, you can go." ... Except...

I looked down at the VERY casual t-shirt and blue jeans I was wearing and thanked him but told him no, I was really under-dresssed. (RATS! RATS! RATS! RATS! RATS!!!!) He left for his meeting at his satellite office at 11:00 this morning, and took all the files with him so I have the afternoon off. He's probably in the meeting right now. Those inspector folks will have no idea of all the hard work we put into those forms in the last week, and probably won't care how about how beautifully formatted they are... but the suspense is killing me just the same.

Meanwhile, back in school... I have a major take-home exam due for my second Assessment/Diagnosis class tomorrow afternoon. On Saturday, Dr. O. handed out the info-packets that included all the information we'd need to put together the Mock Diagnostic Report that would be our Final Exam. He was one info-packet short. Since I knew some of the others in my cohort wanted to start on their's right after class, I said no problem, I'm planning to head to my parents' house right after class and won't get started on it this weekend anyway, just email it to me and I'll print it out. I only half-jokingly said "email it NOW" to make sure I'd have it. Dr. O, said he couldn't at the moment, but assured me he'd email it as soon as he got home...  Since The MC turned me down on Monday and Tuesday, I planned to do it this afternoon... Except...

It's not there in my in-box. If I don't get an extension on this assignment I will kill him.

My other possible project I had planned for this afternoon was to get the laundry caught up again... Except...

Also on Saturday, I was ALMOST caught up on all the laundry, the washing part anyway. I only had one more load washing to go into the dryer; and one last load to go into the washer, so I asked my babysitter to put the load in the dryer and get the other load started in washer while I was in class... I'd put the last load in the dryer, catch up all the folding and putting away in a couple hours: the girls and I would head to P-town after that.

When I got home from class, the washer was full of water and not doing a thing. I ran upstairs and checked the breaker box: no problems. I checked the breaker on the power strip where the extension cord from the washer was plugged in, it was blown... yaay? No. Trying to turn on the washer blew it again. Sigh. Unplug the breaker, plug the extension cord directly into the wall... nothing. Check the breaker box again, no problems. Try the power strip again... nothing... but the light on the dehumidifier that was also plugged into the power strip was still on.

Call Daddy, see if he knows why I'd get this series of electrical indications. Daddy says he thinks my problem is not with the electricity but the washer itself. He also says, "I'll be there in a couple hours" (Daddy is 73 years old. He taught me tons and tons about home repair when I was growing up. He didn't NEED to drive 100 miles to look at my washer. I suspect he knew he didn't need to, but I also suspect it made him feel good to show me he loved me enough to drive 100 miles to look at my washer.)

Meanwhile, I keep checking everything out. I could hear the motor "start" to work, then stop. The tub would turn, but begrudgingly. Was there something down in between blocking it? I disassemble the whole cabinet so I can check, can't find anything, so I use my wet-dry vac to drain the water,  then put everything back together. (Mostly so Daddy can order me to take it apart again when he arrives.) Daddy gets here, we try this, we try that, we suspect the motor is toast but we don't know so I'll have to call a repairman...

I had work and class Monday, and a 12 hour workday yesterday... so said repairman couldn't come until today... and OF COURSE he'd have to order the motor: it will be in tomorrow. He also mentioned that washing machine motors often blow because the washers were plugged into extension cords and didn't get enough electricity to allow them to work properly. (Just like the way MINE is set up) Which I would remedy... Except...

There is no plug anywhere within reach of the only place in my house that I could possibly PUT the washing machine...  I wish Daddy had taught me how to be an electrician...

Oh well, I could still spend the afternoon folding some of that huge pile of clean clothes that still needs folding... Except...

I had to type this out for you. ;)

Stopping By for a Brief Catch-up

Hellooooo? Anybody here?

(Wiping off a chair) Here, sit down, sit down, I'll put some coffee on. Things get really dusty around here when I don't come in often enough...

I'm sorry I haven't been here to write, it's not because I didn't want to. For the 4 people who check in regularly, I thought about you the whole time I was gone. I was actually DOING STUFF. (Yaay! There was a time in the history of this blog when I didn't want to leave the house!) I composed entry after entry... in my head.

Out and About

I had one about my last visit with Richie and Wendy (shooting pool of course!) but things were busy so I could only memorialize it in pictures (Mostly on Facebook). Richie beat me to death, Wendy is a doll baby, love them both to pieces... nothing big and new, and we didn't discuss anything amazing or earth-shattering. Then again, with great friends you don't have to, it's enough just be together.

Still not digging how I look in these "we took a shot of ourselves" pictures,
 but I'll get used to it. It's the shot of the other two I really wanted anyway

Miscellaneous

I considered one about how much I'm enjoying visiting while the girls are at theater camp, how much I love my Theatre Babies, but you already know that... I am planning some mischief with my Gusto Girlfriends (the theatre Moms) but since many of them read this blog, I'll have be careful what I report... stay tuned!

I thought about writing one about Dr. P and what a great professor he is... epitome of what a counselor should be and all that... but for the girls in my cohort and me, giving Dr. P a hard time is one of the best parts of Internship Group Supervision class... so I really can't write a whole blog entry being NICE to him...

Then there was the one about...  Never mind.

The MC

The one I most wanted to write is about my new internship for this semester, more specifically, to introduce you to my boss. The Master Counselor is a Vietnam Vet, and a graduate of the same master's program I'm in.  Dr. P commented that my supervisor was very good at what he does; so I entered this internship with a teensy level of hero worship going before I even met him. Add to my preconceived visions of him a deep, all-business voice, a blunt no-nonsense approach to nearly everything, plus a wee bit of (admitted on his part) impatience, and I was almost intimidated into submission....

Best description I can give it: He likes some things a certain way, I'm particular about certain other things... we get together and play musical OCD. I would have written an entire blog about him a couple weeks ago, but privacy is also in his list of hang-ups, so I had to ask permission first, knowing his answer would be a big, fat NO. It took me a week to get up the nerve to ask him.

"I promise not to use your name!'

"Oh, well I guess that's okay then"

I had no intention of using his name in the first place. To me, referring to him as "The Master Counselor" is  infinitely more amusing. I, of course, am "The Counselor's Apprentice."



(No kidding, every now and then when we're having a round and round discussion, I hear the music that starts at around 2:15 start playing in my head. If I'm not careful, I can see the MC resorting to the action at 8:52.)

However, I think we're getting the hang of each other. I'm there to learn, he's willing to teach. He has a ton of experience... seems to enjoy passing his learning along, and he's stinkin' brilliant. (Don't tell him I said that.) Sometimes I learn as much at lunch as I learn in an entire weekend of classes. I bring some technology experience to the table that's come in handy lately, and he makes an effort to let me know it's appreciated... which means a great deal to me. PLUS... he counsels from a holistic perspective, including the spiritual. I think God stuck me right where I needed to be.

Wish I could write more, but there's a pile of laundry the size of a VW Bug on my bed waiting to be folded. (Well, I won't be folding it tonight, but I wanted you to know it got put off so I could get this much typed out.)

I'll try to get back here soon, promise. Lock up on the way out...