Sister Love, or, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home from the E.R.

Today I got a phone call at work --  P.D.(age 10) in hysterics. "Maaaaa-maaaa" was just about the only word I understood. I managed to decipher that B.B. (her 6 year old sister) had been hurt.

Somehow, as my breathing began to go shallow and my blood pressure began rising, I was able to maintain the presence of mind to discern that B.B., the injured one, was NOT crying. I tried to calm P.D. and asked her to put Ms. Marjorie on the phone. Apparently B.B. and P.D. were in a tussle when B.B. let go, fell backward and hit her head on a piece of furniture.

From my own days as an E.R. frequent flier, I remembered that even with a minor injury, scalps bleed a lot. I asked Ms. Marjorie to check and see if it was a gaping wound, and she reported that it was not, so I didn't worry. It was close to the end of the day and I'd be leaving soon anyway.

Came home, checked it out, it didn't look bad so I started the night routine. After B.B.'s bath, I checked it again and noticed that it wasn't a scrape, as Ms. Marjorie and I had first surmised, but actually a cut with just enough of a gap to require a trip to the hospital. Sigh. Of course B.B. was scared and protested, but I assured her that while it would hurt some, it wouldn't hurt for very long. That seemed to reassure her.

When we arrived in triage, the nurse informed me that she'd need a couple staples, but that with the newer numbing gels and techniques, it wouldn't even hurt. What a relief! P.D. and I sat in our waiting cubicle in the E.R., laughing and playing math games with B.B. to distract her.

Unfortunately, the nice nurse was WRONG. It did hurt. If you've been following this very long, you know P.D. (the one in tears) is the sensitive one; B.B. is Momma's Precious Little Monster.**  B.B. does not go down without a fight. It took five of us to hold her down for the second of the 2 staples. P.D. had to leave the room, she couldn't watch.

Soapbox moment: I learned this from my dear Daddy: Don't EVER tell a child something won't hurt if it will.

Lying about it just teaches the child that you can't be trusted. B.B.'s hurt feelings about being lied to, then held down, lasted way longer than the pain of the actual staples. She cried, and cried, and cried... and cried some more. 

Finally, as we were leaving I offered her a bribe distraction to help her calm down. 

Conversation on the way home:

B.B.: (sniffling) You're still the best Momma in the world.

Me: Really? Why?

B.B.: Because you said I could have ice cream if I calmed down. I sound really calm, don't I, Momma?

Me. Yes, you do.

B.B.: Sissy's really calm. I think she should have something special, too.

How could I refuse? :)

** B.B., if you are reading well enough that you can read this post, all I have to say about the comment with the asterisk is, "Well, you WERE!"

Jerks Need Not Apply

Remember way back when I said I was ready to date again? Well, uh, hmm... they still aren't knocking down my door. As much as it pains me to admit it,* I'm not quite as cute at 41 as I was at 27.

Not that I mind. I have a meaningful job, great friends, and two beautiful little girls that fill my world with love and laughter. When God decides the time it right, it will happen. For now I'm content with my life as-is.

Besides, the more stories I hear from single/divorced friends, not to mention clients, the happier I am that the stress of "a relationship" isn't part of my realm. I'm not hearing about a wealth of good men out there. Even the M.C. has mentioned that it seems that a disproportionate number of our clients (particularly the women) seem to be "stuck" in relationships where they aren't supported, valued or appreciated. I remember falling prey to dating partners like that a time or two myself back in the day.

I've pondered how (besides just being blessed) I was fortunate enough to have been married to a man like Deat. I've jokingly said that two months after his death I elevated him to sainthood and I conveniently forgot every single flaw he had... but compared to the men I've been hearing about, he really was a saint! How did I get so lucky and others didn't? I've further wondered: when the time comes, how will I teach P.D. and B.B. to guard their precious hearts from the "playas" of the world?

Today, a friend of mine posted a link to this article and I think it offers part of the answer. The following is from Darlene Brock at the Grit and Grace Project. You'll find a link to the blog section of her site over in the "I Read These" list on the right.

If He Acts like a Jerk… he probably is

We live in a world where there must be a Masters Degree in Excuses for Bad Behavior.  That reality is evidenced in the relationship single females have with their male counterparts.  It seems the female is constantly seeking the reason her male counterpart acted the way he did when the answer is often so simple.

He says he didn’t call because his phone battery died.  When really he went out with his buddies and you were the last thing on his mind.  He’s so sorry he was an hour late the traffic was really bad.  Instead of I just didn’t think you would be upset that I had to master one more level on my video game before I could find my keys to get in the car.

Then the classic I am afraid of commitment because I was hurt so badly by someone else.  Instead of I have every intention of seeing everything I can get from you while making a minimal amount of effort.

Ladies, what is wrong with this picture???????  We must not assume that all men make excuses, some are caught in traffic, have let their cell phone battery die or have been hurt, these are life realities.  But let’s not assume they are telling the truth either.  Especially when you are hoping to build a long lasting relationship with a repeat offender.  They must earn your respect and trust the same way you must earn theirs.

Simple common courtesy - call when you say you will, arrive on time - just basics should be expected.  The exception to that behavior needs to be occasional not recurrent.  It doesn’t matter how cute he is or how many flowers he brings to prove he’s sorry if all he can offer is an excuse in answer to the “what happened?” question.   This indicates a personality that will display unacceptable behavior in every area of life.

Simple moral to the story ladies, if he acts like a jerk……he probably is.  Don’t accept his excuses and expect more from him than his lack of even a little common courtesy.  If all ladies would hold men to this standard they would step up.  They would work for that relationship because they had to.  They need to work for it.  They would be better men worthy of women that expect better men.  Worthy of women who themselves seek to be better women.  And you wouldn’t be left waiting by the phone hoping for a call.

Simple and succinct, but it speaks volumes. In six short paragraphs, she conveyed a message that so many young girls forget or never learned... heck, a lesson that so many grown women need to understand. I'll be making copies of it for some of my clients.

Reading this reminded me of the attitude I maintained during my dating days. I gave this "speech" to more than one guy, and when I think back to the heartaches and heartbreaks... they came when I allowed myself to settle for less.

So you say you want to date me, huh? Well let's get something clear. While I love a friendly competition, in a relationship I don't compete: not with other women, not with alcoholism, not with drugs, not with sports or your buddies. I understand you'll want to spend time with your friends, I can take time with my friends, too. But I won't tolerate being treated inconsiderately, period.  

I'm not unreasonable, I just ask that you do what you say you will do. If you said you'd call, call. Don't be late or break a date without a good reason. I understand that circumstances come up, and sometimes it can't be helped. If we had plans but you can't be where you said you'd be, make a phone call so I'm not sitting around worrying and wondering where you are. I'll treat you with respect and expect the same. I will not tolerate less.

I don't compete because I don't have to. If I can't win, I won't play. It's that simple. If I have to win your time, your attention, your consideration, quite frankly, I'm not interested... because that tells me you aren't, either.

 As Darlene Brock points out, simple common courtesy is not too much to expect, but when we accept less; less is what we get.

Is it possible that speech might send a guy I was interested in packing? Well, yeah, it was designed to! I figured if he was interested enough to stick around after that speech, he might be worth my time. It's funny to me now. but simple courtesy was one of the things that helped put Deat on his pedestal.

When the time comes, I think I'll be grilling P.D. and B.B with this speech until they can quote it verbatim. I realize they will probably date different boys with a host of other issues, but hopefully this will weed out a few of them.

Meanwhile, just in case some suitor comes to call, I think I'll brush up on it, too.

*Sarcasm alert

Post Number Ninety-nine

Hello? Anybody here? Oh, let me dust the cobwebs off that chair,  this place sat empty for a while... have you noticed that usually happens when I plan to write more?

What happened? Well, it was time to do the annual tree trimming post... but nothing funny happened. We just put it up... I couldn't even come up with a mildly amusing spin for it.

Then, I just didn't know what to write about. The most interesting moments usually happened with clients, and I can't write about them for confidentiality reasons. I can't be too careful...not to mention school and my job and blah, blah blah.

But tonight I have something to write about. Tonight I finished a take home-test that was my last assignment for the last class I needed for my master's degree. I've worked on the test all day, but couldn't seem to get that last two-page essay question done. I got on Facebook complaining.

And here came a flood of support, friends from all different parts of my life cheering me on. I got the essay finished and posted that I was done, and here came even more support. Fifty-something "Likes" and congratulatory comments total between the two posts... I am so grateful for every single one of those. I can't say how much it meant, especially in light of..

The REST of the story...

No one knew it, but today marked 4 years since Deat's death. I am so much better than at times I ever imagined I'd be, but having that in the back of my mind was still hard. Having all those people offering me well wishes, it really highlighted so much for me, how far I've come, how blessed I've been. How absolutely blessed I AM.

In some weird way, through the cheers of my friends, I could hear Deat cheering, too, "You did it, Buddy, you did it."

Gotta Love Google...

I love statistics. Even when I have hardly any readers, I love to check my blog stats and wonder about who my readers were... especially since I had several hits on a two year-old post recently.

I began to wonder what in the world brought so many people to this particular post, so I checked to find the keyword searches these visitors used. I admit, I had to laugh when I saw the search phrases that brought them to me:

The phrases that brought most of these recent visitors to the blog were:

- 7 1/2 emerald peek tree martha stewart 

- emerald peak tree martha stewart fuse 

- martha stewart 7 1 2 emerald peak tree instructions 

- k-mart emerald peak tree 

- martha stewart christmas tree emerald peak assembly instructions 

- martha stewart emerald peak 7 1/2 ft christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak tree

Apparently, my newest readers don't have any better luck than I do....


I just checked, that particular post is one of the top Google results you get using the above keywords. So, actually, their luck is worse, because when they went to find a solution to their decorating dilemma, they got... well... me.

Needless to say, Delmer's favorite annual post is coming soon....


;-)


(P.S. If you didn't click on the "better luck" link above you can go to December 2009 in the Archive and read the post titled "Humbug" to see why Google associates me with Martha Stewart trees)

MC Antics, Part 2

I left my treatment planner book (the one I needed to do homework) at work. This morning I had to go meet up with the MC at his regular pre-work stop so I could pick up the book, hurry home, and get busy.  (Where does he go every morning? I could tell ya, but I'd have to kill ya).

I asked a lady at said location if she'd seen him. She gave me a puzzled look.

Me: Oh, I'm his intern.

Nice Lady: Oh, you're Kelly, is that right?

Me: Yes, but I'm not as bad as he says, I promise.

Nice Lady: Oh no, I've heard him talk about you. He says you're awesome.

Wow. I've worked really hard in this internship, but to find out he bragged about me? I had to turn my head to keep her from seeing a little tear in the corner of my eye.

I think you're awesome, too, MC.


It's just that my friends know better than to let you in on it!

Quick Post for the Fans of the MC

The semester is almost over... I may see daylight again... I just had to share this with you guys.

On Tuesdays I ride with the MC to one of our work sites in another county. We were consulting about one of his "older clients" on the way.

The MC: Man, I hope when I get old I'm not that crabby.




I almost spit coffee all over the windshield.

Editing

Today, I went back and changed something in my blog.

I wrote this earlier post carefully. I never really thought of my blog as something "widely" read... especially not locally. However, to the persons involved in the story, two identities were obvious. At the time, I really thought I had offered the benefit of the doubt to those people. Honestly, I didn't think they would ever read it, or care what my thoughts were.

Not only did they read it, as I learned today, they were LED to it by others. I also learned that they were very hurt by it.

When I wrote the post, I was careful not to accuse any particular person of any wrong doing. I questioned their thinking, but I should have done that in a private conversation with them: not in conversations with others and not on my blog. The worst part is, while I have questioned their motives, I've honestly always given those motives the benefit of the doubt in my heart. Unfortunately, upon re-reading the entry, I can see why it didn't seem that way.

Today, I ran into one of those people. I noticed a "cool" attitude. I reached out again. This person let me know that my words had hurt. I must say, I admire this person for addressing the issue with me rather than letting it sit. I should have offered this person the same, a long time ago.

Did I really feel the things I wrote at the time? Yes, I did, but, I should have been more careful to point out that the hurtful acts I mentioned in the post had not been committed by the two who could be identified. I have redacted those portions of that entry, but the damage is done. Those people are hurt, and I had never spoken to them about my feelings in the first place. I should have had a conversation with them; I should have heard them out.

So, to any readers who recognize the players in this entry, or even those who don't: it's how I felt at the time,  but I wasn't careful with my words and people who have never done anything to me were hurt. It wasn't fair. It was wrong.

I can't "fix" that, though I wish I could. All I can do, as I promised the person I spoke with today, is remove those parts of the post, and offer a truly heartfelt apology.

I am so very sorry.

Cleaning It Up for Fun and...

Who are we kidding, I want recognition from people I don't even know. Which is bad... more on that later.

You may have noticed when the blog opened that something was missing. Don't fret, the playlist is still there, you just have to turn it on yourself now. Apparently, auto-play playlists on blogs are annoying... who knew?

And... so are archive lists that are too long. And lists of blogs I read... and... and..

 Did I mention I broke the toilet yesterday? I did.

For some strange reason, (although I have bought and installed replacement kits on 2 separate occasions), the little stopper inside the tank goes off track more often than it stays in place... meaning the drain is not plugged I have to take the lid off the tank to get it back in place or face a huge water bill from the water running running running trying to fill the tank.

Yesterday, the lid slipped from my hands and I dropped it (just a few inches!) and it hit the back of the bowl part.

See that hole? 

I didn't think that hole was a big deal, just ugly, something I'd get around to replacing when life wasn't quite so sucky busy.

"MOMMA! The water's running into the floor!" (Clean water from the tank, not the "other" water.)

"(Sigh) Don't worry, you guys are just going to have to use the other bathroom until Momma can fix it."

Later in the evening, à la Bil Keane, somebody snuck into the house and used the broken toilet!

The Culprit? NOT ME!!!

That's okay Mr. NOT ME... I fixed your little wagon...

Let's see the smarmy little (*%*&^$* get past THAT!

Ahem!

So in a few minutes I'm off to buy a toilet and ruin spend part of the rest of my day installing it.

What did I start this post with? Oh, yeah, changes to the blog.

I was thinking of submitting JustKellyHere in for a blog review. I checked the review site, and apparently they HATE auto-play playlists, long archive lists (Mine isn't that long. Does that archive list make my butt look big?) and (their words) Long A** Linky Love Lists. (I like links. I care about my links. They stay.)

I read some of their site and they don't seem very nice. Do I really want to submit my little love-labor to these evil folks for them to tear apart? Well, there is the remote chance they'd like it, and isn't it fun when that person who hates everybody, hates everybody, but you? 

Maybe that's why sites set up for the sole purpose of making fun of people are so popular, so we can look at them and think "At least that's NOT ME."


Ya know what? I don't need their approval. More power to them as they do what they do,  but I'm taking my little blog and going home.

So, you guys rate JustKellyHere. Please tell me what you like and what you don't in the comments. Let me know if you want the playlist put back on auto-play.

I'm going to buy a toilet.

Okay, So I'm Full of Myself. Meanwhile, you can fill up on Five-Minute Chocolate Cake

The MC asked me why I blog. He does. not. get. it. When I tried to answer him, I didn't get it either, or at least not well enough to tell him. I told him about always wanting to write, the original mission of this blog and so on.

What surprised me was he didn't call BS. (I hope because the answer I gave him was mostly true.) The teensy part I didn't mention (but I'm sure he knows) is that blogging appeals to my ego. I'm owning up to it. The idea that people actually come see what I'm up to, actually enjoy reading what I write, feeds that little sucker. This especially true since I started monitoring hits with a couple stat counters.. it's so fun to see that little spike in the graph! (Besides, you people are so stingy with comments... I digress.) I also noticed that when I blog more often, I get more hits per entry... go figure. Gotta keep it current.

So, with that in mind, I recently made a deal with myself to blog more often, shooting for twice a week. I realize I'm going to have to be entertaining to keep you coming back. Unfortunately, my brain is shutting down from papers and studying and school projects and work projects and elementary school stuff, and kid stuff and Friends' stuff and my stuff and at some point if I kept going along this vein your eyes would being seeing the words but your brain would be hearing the following, and you'd probably be doing what Peppermint Patty is doing here:

So, I've been scoping out other blogs for sources of entertainment for you people. One technique I discovered for those "hard to come up with material" days is the photo essay. 

SO, for your entertainment and edification, I now present to you a photo essay from a recipe someone sent me on email. I actually posted this on Facebook about 6 months ago... but I'm short on brainpower and this is easy. If you don't enjoy it, I'm sorry. (But will you please please please keep coming back anyway?)

Five Minute Chocolate Cake

Warning! Dangerous! Continue at your own risk! If you read this you will be only five minutes away from chocolate cake at any given time!!!!

First you need these... a tablespoon a butter knife...
and you also need a large coffee mug (not shown)

Put 4 tablespoons of this in the mug

Then 4 tablespoons of this

Then 2 tablespoons of this...
Stir all the dry ingredients with the butter knife until 
well blended...

Break this and put it in the mug...
Stir stir stir with the butter knife until well blended...

Add 3 tablespoons of this

Then 3 tablespoons of this...
Stir stir stir

Now 3 tablespoons of these, stir stir stir

Just a splash of this, stir, stir stir

All stirred up it looks like this!

Pop it in here, if it's 1000 watt, just set for 3 minutes, 
if it's stronger, lower the power setting. 
I set mine for 9 but I think 8 might have been better. 
It will start growing

And growing

And GROWING EVEN MORE!!! 
(Next time I think I will try a bigger mug,
 but the recipe said it would grow out of the top)

Take your butter knife and run it around the edges... 
Dump it on a plate...
Have a little taste...

And the verdict is... pretty darn tasty! *

Makes enough for 3 really, but B.B. didn't want any!
Ice cream makes it PERFECT!

Enjoy!


* Thanks for playing, uh, neighbor kid...

Dealing with Frustration in a Therapeutically and Nutritionally Sound Manner

Arrrgh!

The MC and I had a conversation about this very expression the other day.

I was typing out some paperwork, hit a snag, emitted a quiet but frustrated, "Arrgh!"

(The) MC: How do you do that?

Me: What?

MC: You do it all the time. Wait, let me back up, when you make that noise, are you completely thrown or can you go right back to it?

Me: I go right back to it, why?

MC: I couldn't. That would throw me completely.

Me: You learn how. I do that to get my frustration out.

MC: (Snickering) So you're saying you let it out a little at at a time so you don't get impatient, like, say, I do?

Me. Your words not mine, Dude, your words not mine.

Aaaand speaking of frustration and impatience... 

B.B. is still pretty excited about kindergarten, all except for the walking everyday at recess.

What? You say your kindergartener didn't have to do that? That could be because your kindergartener isn't as evil high-spirited as Little Miss Boo.  In a week and a half she's managed to go ONE WHOLE DAY with no punishable offenses. YAAAY B.B.! One day in 10! Let's shoot for 2 next week!

She was quick to point out she only had to walk for 5 minutes of her recess today, usually she gets ten minutes. Hey, improvement's improvement, I'll take it.

Momma (me, not MY Momma) is rather diggin' the Kindergarten scene, too. For this one year, I have both babies under the same roof. Driving to only one location (rather than all over L-town) every morning is Suh-weet!  

That said, time diminished my memories of what Kindergartener-parenting entailed. I've been spoiled by the angelic Miss P.D. of the upper-elementary grades. P.D. does her homework. P.D. only needs Momma to check her backpack periodically. Fifth-graders (Fifth grade? Where did the time go?) aren't required to bring in snack for the whole class once a month.

I had also forgotten the rigors of 702 KAR 6:090. What's 702 KAR 6:090 you ask?  It is the Kentucky "Minimum nutritional standards for foods and beverages available on public school campuses during the school day" 

You buy that don't you? I don't. I've seen what they serve through the cafeteria... However, it IS the standard sent home with the note telling you that you need to get ready for your child's snack day turn. Kindly enough, they also send a list of 45 pre-approved, pre-packaged snacks for you to choose from at your shopping leisure. How convenient!

B.B.'s day to bring snack is tomorrow. I told P.D. to put a check by the ones she thought would be the best so I wouldn't end up buying B.B. a "nerdy" snack for her first snack day. Nothing but coolness for my baby.  That pecking order forms early. P.D. made some good choices, Baked chips, animal crackers, Teddy Grahams... easy, right? Everybody carries the little individual packages of these items, right?

Uh, no. No they don't.

We strolled non-nonchalantly through the L-town Kroger this afternoon without a care in the world. We only needed a few items, it was only 4:45, we'd take our time and enjoy our shopping. At just over 3/4 of the way through the  store, maybe Aisle 12, we arrived in the "cracker" aisle, perfect place to find pre-packaged animal crackers, or Cheese Nips or Teddy Grahams, right?

Animal Crackers? Wrong brand. Cheese Nips? None. Teddy Grahams? Wrong size package. Nabisco 100 Calorie Wheat Thin Packs? No multi-packages containing only the Wheat Thins, but variety packs with the Wheat Thins and 2 kinds that weren't on the list. That's okay, the 720 KAR 6:090 guidelines are right here on the list, only 3 main criteria to worry about: Sugar Content, Percent of Calories from Fat, and Sodium Content. Let me check on the back of these other two bad boys... at only 100 calories they gotta pass, right?

Fail.

After 20 minutes of this, we trouped back across the store to the breakfast food, Aisle 4: list in hand, forget cool. Surely Kroger would have

Chex Morning Mix snack packs? No.

Single serving packages of:

     Kellogg's Corn Flakes? No.
     Frosted Mini Wheats? No.
     Raisin Bran? No.
     Good Old Cheerios? No.

We reversed direction, this time to Aisle 13, the chip aisle. Where the heck were the Baked Lay's mini bags? Luckily a nice young man in a Kroger shirt happened by. I showed him the list and he mentioned a couple items he thought they might have in stock. He also directed me to the Lay's variety packs. (B.B.'s number one choice by this time) Back in Aisle 1. *sigh*

We arrived back in the bread section to find the correctly-sized bags of chips, Yaay!

None of these were baked chips, as required by 720 KAR 6:090 ... Booooooo.

We trudged back to Aisle 4 in search of the Quaker Chewy Granola bars, Chocolate Chips. The heavens opened up and an ethereal light shone down, the "angel" music played... lo and behold, LEGAL* SNACKS!!!!

Except, B.B. said, "NO Mommy! That's what we had for snack TODAY! Those aren't very good, Mommy."

I'm exhausted. By this time it's almost 6:30. Yet, how could I send my baby daughter, on her very first turn for snack-day, to school with a snack she didn't even like? That would just be cruel! Yet, in adherence with the nutritional wisdom of the 1990 Kentucky General Assembly, I HAD to comply with 720 KAR 6:090, right?

We made a different selection.



This was the one other item at the L-town Kroger that met the criteria espoused by 720 KAR 6:090, and therefore, made it to the "acceptable" list:

Banana-Flavored Cream-Filled Cakes covered in Crisco! YUM!!!!

*Sigh* Only in Kentucky....

*Kroger also had the Quaker Chewy Granola Bars in PEANUT BUTTER Chocolate Chip, (as approved on the list) but as any good elementary-school-aged child's mother knows, you go to hell for sending any product containing peanuts to school.