A Tommy...

And so it began.

I didn't take him seriously at first. He wasn't the first guy to develop a little attachment to me... I make a great friend. I'm a good listener and I take an interest in what the other person has to say. "Something" comes up and things don't work out in the way the guy hopes, and I'm still a good friend.

See, for all my big talk in this blog about being ready to date, I don't think I was. I had the on-again/off-again thing with Kirk because I KNEW he'd never commit. Even if, on the very off chance he decided he wanted to commit, I knew for him it was too hard. It was too much work. He'd lay it off on the tragedies of fate and I'd be off scot-free. Was I attached to Kirk? Yes, very... but the future I hoped for had no grounding in reality... and I knew that.

So, with Tommy, I sort of sat back and waited for the inevitable "thing" that would make this flirting ease into friendship. The "thing" might be different values, me refusing to budge on an issue, or putting up a wall so high he'd never get over or around it. I pulled out all the stops I had stored up.

Tommy team-drives a semi with his partner, Scooter. They're out for 4-6 weeks at a time, then off the road for 4-6 days. He drives the day shift, so for the bulk of the day he's under the wheel (driving) and can't check text messages and communicate through Facebook chat as we had been. He gave me his number and I wouldn't call it, and I didn't offer mine. I gave in after a couple days, and suddenly we were talking all the time, on the 45 minute drive to work, on the drive home, while I was cooking dinner, any time the girls were busy.

On the Road Again...

I insisted if we were going to keep talking, it had to be no sugar-coating, no punches pulled... and I confronted him about everything... not even politely. If he downplayed anything, I called him on it.(At one point he laughed, "Dang! Are you this blunt about everything?")

I was blessed with being a good listener, but thanks to my job I've learned how to listen with intent: for discrepancies, inconsistencies, for any indications of a value system out-of-line with mine. I lobbed tests at him, presented scenarios in which the most obvious choices were self-preservation and the easy way out. He never chose the easy way, he always chose treating people the way he'd want to be treated, doing the right thing over the easy thing. I noticed his own stories from his own life reflected the same values.

Tommy made me laugh... I mean so hard I'd have tears in my eyes and be unable to talk. He was quick without being crass. I left him wide open to be disrespectful, and he never once crossed the line. He seemed to like me better for having boundaries. He never made a secret of his attraction to me, but if the conversation got close to innuendo, he'd change the subject. Immediately. Repeatedly. So I resorted to my big gun...

I talked about Deat. A lot. I mean a lot. Anyone who knows me knows my face and my voice still light up when I mention Deat. Tommy never flinched. He still doesn't. He says he's glad I was blessed to have someone who made me so happy. We made plans to see each other when he came in. He booked a hotel here in town.

I was a little nervous that first Saturday of August when Tommy came over early for coffee. Within five minutes it was like he belonged on the stool across from me. I made breakfast... he mowed my yard (with a push mower, and it was a JUNGLE.) He grabbed a shower then we spent the day doing mundane things: ran errands; cooked supper, took B.B. out so she could dance at half-time at a local football event.

And we laughed. And laughed some more. Somewhere between sipping coffee from my new Route 66 (from the REAL Route 66!) mug, and sitting on bleachers texting each other at the game, I was hooked.

Remember those jokes about hitting on me? They went on for a while... I asked him one day not long before his first visit to "come clean" about "whatever this is" between us. Tommy said it didn't need a "name" on it... by the time we found a name to put on it we would likely have already been committed to each other for some time. And so it is.

As time went on I realized, I had not imagined ever feeling this way again, or that there would come a time when someone would feel the way he does about me. I keep waiting for the "dopamine" to wear off, but the phone rings or the text dings and that grin crosses my face before I can stop myself. Everybody around me needs insulin...

So we're trying not to put expectations or time-tables on it, to just trust God to help us make good decisions and let us know when it's His time to move and do something new. I can say with certainty I feel His hand on it; every time I doubt that, God provides evidence to ease my fears.  And we're both learning new lessons as we go: healing from the past, a little dreaming about what could be the future, sometimes reminding each other to keep it in today.

So, if I actually get busy and start keeping up with this blog again, the tall guy who keeps showing up? That's Tommy.

Be nice. I kinda like this one.