Gotta Love Google...

I love statistics. Even when I have hardly any readers, I love to check my blog stats and wonder about who my readers were... especially since I had several hits on a two year-old post recently.

I began to wonder what in the world brought so many people to this particular post, so I checked to find the keyword searches these visitors used. I admit, I had to laugh when I saw the search phrases that brought them to me:

The phrases that brought most of these recent visitors to the blog were:

- 7 1/2 emerald peek tree martha stewart 

- emerald peak tree martha stewart fuse 

- martha stewart 7 1 2 emerald peak tree instructions 

- k-mart emerald peak tree 

- martha stewart christmas tree emerald peak assembly instructions 

- martha stewart emerald peak 7 1/2 ft christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak christmas tree 

- martha stewart emerald peak tree

Apparently, my newest readers don't have any better luck than I do....


I just checked, that particular post is one of the top Google results you get using the above keywords. So, actually, their luck is worse, because when they went to find a solution to their decorating dilemma, they got... well... me.

Needless to say, Delmer's favorite annual post is coming soon....


;-)


(P.S. If you didn't click on the "better luck" link above you can go to December 2009 in the Archive and read the post titled "Humbug" to see why Google associates me with Martha Stewart trees)

Cha-ching!

What? A new post?

Well, yeah.

1. The semester ended yesterday.

2. Today was a snow day, so we put the tree up!

I will tell you, last year's tree o' my discontent was introduced to the garbage guys. I only wish I could say shortly after Christmas.

I almost kept it. After the debacle that was last year's lighting, I ordered a Lightkeeper Pro from E-bay. John and Sabrina brought me an endless supply of light spares. John and I spent hours (and hours, and hours) trying to get it to re-light. We replaced approximately 50 lights. We shot (and shot and shot) those strings with the Lightkeeper. We managed to get half the light-strings going again... As I took it down, I kept thinking it seemed a shame waste all that hard work, when John and I could anticipate another merry exercise in frustration and futility the following year...

After New Year's, the neatly-packed-up box waited on on the back porch for the snow to clear so I could carry it to the storage building out back. Then it waited for the mud to dry up. Then it waited for me to get tired of tripping over it and find some divine inspiration to pick up and carry the hated object the 50-or-so steps to the building.

Meanwhile, Sophie the Wonder Dog discovered that chewing on cardboard was her new favorite past-time. Then she discovered that eating Christmas lights made her sick. (Yes, she chewed enough away to crawl in.) So, procrastination led me to dispose of the hated object. (Procrastination as a positive? YES!!!!! Cha-ching!)

The girls and I made fun of the tree displays that were already up in the stores before Halloween. Somehow, I had it in my head that I was the only one who might need a tree this year, so I waited until about a week and a half ago to take the girls shopping for one.

We carefully surveyed our findings. We debated the merits of real trees (as much as a 9- and 5-year old can contribute to said debate). We decided without the Christmas-y smell, they weren't worth the trouble, so we went from tree-to-tree in the Wal-Mart real-tree collection sniffing. (None of the Wal-Mart trees had any aroma worth mentioning.)

We went to Lowe's and K-mart, admiring the Christmas yard decorations... somehow I think God frowns on light-up pigs dressed up as angels, but who am I to judge?

We decided on one as close as we could get to our old tree, turns and all. We chose the 7 1/2 foot "Madison w/colored lights" from K-mart (apparently, Martha Stewart no longer has a Christmas tree line in the L-town K-mart). As is the lot of procrastinators, I found one on display but none in stock. Oh well, the truck was due the next day, (Wednesday) maybe there'd be one on it. I went the next day, no truck.

Annnnnd... speaking of no truck, I had to take my truck (which had been immobile for a month) and get it fixed before I could buy the tree so I could get the tree home... I digress. Oh well...

When we finally got back to K-mart on Saturday, not only were there no Madisons in stock, the display was gone too. Much to P.D.'s disappointment, the only one even close was only 6 feet tall, and it didn't turn either. At least the box was much easier to carry. (Procrastination as a positive? YES!!!!! Cha-ching!)

This year I wore long sleeves, so only my wrists look like I've been working in hay. Although this year's tree bragged of 1563 tips (as opposed to the 1506 on the Martha tree), I must say, it seemed much easier. Since this one was so comparatively small, I didn't need the turn function, it turned in the base anyway.

As I worked, I kept hearing much whispering from the kitchen. then the microwave running, so I stopped shaping for a bit. When I stopped, they noticed I wasn't making any noise and hollered "Momma! Don't come in here! It's a surprise!" When they allowed me in, they had prepared lunch for me: a plate with their version of a grilled cheese (toast the bread, then put on the cheese and melt it in the microwave), a pre-sliced and cored apple, cheese puffs, and almost hot hot chocolate. I must say, it was the best lunch I've had in some time. How such sweet babies came from my sarcastic line is beyond me.

With the smaller dimensions, we decided only to hang the ornaments that actually meant something to us. It's made a much homier, more aesthetically pleasing tree. I couldn't be more pleased with how this one has turned out.

Finally, the "surveying angel", because of her large size, seems to overpower our new tree, so she's now sitting on a side table for mere decoration... Um, in the same spot she's been sitting since she came off last year's tree. (Procrastination as a positive? YES!!!!! Cha-ching!)

Yet Another Reason I Hate That Tree

When I was trying to fix the tree, I needed a power strip so I could reach... so I borrowed the one from the sump pump...

It's been raining here for 3 days straight. I'll let your imaginations take it from here.

Maybe I could just forget about a playroom for the girls and offer them an indoor pool...

HUMBUG!

12/04/11 Editors note: If your Christmas tree is giving you problems and you Googled the name and got sent here, the only help I can offer you is to try THIS; although you can read the following year's entry and learn that it helped some, but not all of the problems.

P.D. asked me yesterday why artificial Christmas trees were invented.

"Well honey, I guess so people won't have to go to the trouble of going to buy a tree every year, they'll already have one at home. It's just easier."

Today, I had to rethink my answer.

For our first Christmas in this house, (2005) my mom bought a pre-lit tree for us. (Actually, for P.D.... she said that her baby deserved something better than the "table-top fiber optic gizmo" that Deat and I called "Our Christmas Tree".)

Oh, that tree that Momma bought, it's a beaut... a 7 1/2 ft Emerald Peak Tree (From K-mart's Martha Stewart line no less). It "features 800 multicolored lights and 1,504 easy-to-shape branch tips Revolving stand included" Yes, that's right folks, my tree TURNS. And man, that first 2 years, well, she was glorious. (Although, I will admit, having an angel staring down while turning in a circle as if she were surveying the room took some getting used to.)

Last December was terribly hectic, not to mention a hard one to "get into the spirit" so putting up the tree was a hurried affair one afternoon after school. I pulled apart the bunched-up branches like fighting fire. As a result, we had a somewhat "gappy" tree. Later in the season, one small line of lights near the bottom stopped lighting... no matter... in a few seconds the good side of the tree came around again anyway. Besides this thing has at least 16 different plugs (with a configuration so confusing, it came with all of the sockets pre-plugged except for the 3 letter-matched plugs and sockets required to connect the 3 different layers of tree.)

Today I decided I'd take a little extra care; I'd take advantage of those "easy-to-shape tips" to make sure our tree would look like the one on the box again. I thought to myself this morning, "I'll try to find that line if I have time and fix it, too."

So, I set the first section in the stand... two rows of branches that fall into place when you set them upright. I noticed as I was shaping the bottom row that the upper-row branches I kept pushing up out my way refused to say there, so I called to P.D. to bring one of my belts from my closet. I pushed all of the upper row branches up out of my way and cinched them with the belt.. worked like a charm! So there I sat on the floor shaping each tip, branch by branch; turn the tree, shape the next one... so pleased with my work... repeat for the next row.

Luckily, P.D. had retrieved not one belt, as I requested, but all of them, so I already had them for the middle section (five rows). I took the top-most of the middle sections branches, cinched them, then the second top-most, cinched them and so on down, so when I finished shaping the bottom-most section I was working on, all I had to do was release the belt above it, and only the very-next row would drop for shaping.

I really wish that had been as easy as it reads here. Those easy-to-shape tips (and the greenery adorning them) hurt! Anyone who has ever made the mistake of working in hay in short sleeves can relate to the scratches covering my lower arms. If you can't relate... be glad. One hour in, and I'm only beginning to shape the bottom-most row of branches for the middle section. It took me another hour to get those rows shaped.

Luckily, TLC called and kept me company for half of that ordeal and the shaping of the top section. As I mentioned to her on the phone, with 2 hours, I could have run out and bought a real tree, and the price would have been a cheap exchange for scratch-free arms! We discussed several topics as I worked, one being that she, (unlike me) had blogged 3 times in November and had also blogged yesterday. As I finished the top section, I told TLC I had to go... it was time to start the decorating.

I plugged in my 3 trusty letter-matched plugs and called to the girls for the first lighting....

Only one of that multitude of light-strings lit.... ONE half of ONE side of ONE row on the bottom of the tree. Just then, I noticed a tag on the plug leading into the base, "One spare fuse inside the socket." Hooray! It's probably just that fuse, right? I opened it up, checked the fuse inside, but it looked fine. I re-plugged the main wire into the wall socket... and now none of the lights will light.

Next year, I believe I'll be forgoing the convenience of my artifical tree for a troublesome real one!

Oh well, while my Christmas Spirit may be a bit lacking at the moment, my competitive spirit is alive and well... At least now I'm one up on TLC for blogging in December.