Catching up... (and then, God sent..)

Achoo! 

Boy the dust collects around here when I've been gone too long. The past nine months have flown by. But it's been so long since I've been here, maybe I need to review things I've already told you.

Remember back in May 2010  when I said I was afraid I'd quit blogging when I became a counselor? Um, didn't mean for that to happen. Still wary of having a client find this, but not so much that I won't come out and say what I do anymore: I work with people with substance abuse issues. I counsel primarily from a 12 step perspective. Learning the steps and principles, and working to LIVE them, has made a profound difference in my life. My clients are some of the finest people I know, and I learn from them every day.

And remember in April 2011 when I announced I was ready to start dating again? Hoo boy... And all the vague/not vague references to Kirk? (too many links, you'd have to search him). I didn't even tell you guys most of what went on because I knew it wasn't healthy. I cant blame him entirely, I found uglier sides of me in whatever-that-was. Even though the (relationship? odd attachment? delusion?) primarily consisted of long-distance phone calls, it took me forever to set that boundary... then reset it... then reset it again after I allowed him to cross it yet again. God finally brought someone else into his life last October; his "need" for me ended.

I had been gaining weight; I gained all the weight I lost with Weight Watchers back. The idea of being attractive to someone seemed far-fetched; even more far-fetched was the idea I could be attracted to anyone. I  got okay with that, however. I had important things to concern myself with: the recovery journeys of my clients, my own children's lives, focusing on changing the one thing I could change: myself and what I needed to do to be the best counselor, mother and friend I could be. I found my own counselor and went to work on myself.

Page 68 in the AA Big Book says, "We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we believe He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity." I tried to apply that every day. Things starting working again. My serenity was returning.

Then, one night this past July...

to be continued