A Distraction Beats Flowers... No Contest

I'm not sure how to write about this, how to handle it in the best way, but I have to try.

A blogger friend of mine's mother went into the hospital yesterday. It's easy to tell from her writing that she and her mom share a wonderful relationship... heck, I love her mother and I've only read about her. Her mom has had several health problems in the last couple years... and I could "read" the fear in my friend's "voice" in yesterday's post. I hurt for her, because I remember.

I remember what it was like to watch the physical deterioration of someone you love and feel powerless to do anything about it. I remember the second-guessing you put yourself through, only wanting the very best for this person, a person you love so much you'd trade places with in a minute because their well-being is THAT important to you. I remember the anger you feel at anyone else involved in their care because they just aren't doing ENOUGH... don't they know how important this is? I remember the LONG stretches of time in the hospital, just waiting, waiting to see what's coming... hoping upon hope it won't be the worst. 

I remember trying to read to break up the time... to try to find something, anything to be a distraction from what this hospital stay COULD mean. And I remember being unable to focus long enough to even get through first chapter of the book I bought the day of his first hospitalization... even though I tried during each of his five hospital stays. (I didn't actually read it until over a year after he died).

So, I thought to myself, what did I WANT people to do? I wanted them to distract me. I wanted them to show the customary concern for what was happening, then I wanted them to talk about ANYTHING else. Walk me to the cafeteria for a snack or some dinner. Engage me in anything that gave me a few brief minutes when I could think about something else... especially something that would make me laugh. Either that or just LISTEN to me talk about what was happening, out loud, to help me get a handle on it.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen very often. I don't BLAME anyone or feel resentment that more people didn't provide that at all, how would anyone know? I didn't know how to ASK for that, and at the time, with my mind so full of other things, it really didn't occur to me TO ask for it. Make no mistake... I had more than my share of blessings from our friends and family during Deat's illness, and I'm sure many people were afraid that coming to the hospital or calling me on my cell would be akin to intrusion during a difficult time... but it would have been welcome.

I wish I could offer my friend lunch in the cafeteria, but she's too far away. I can't do that, so I'm trying to send her simple notes with some goofy spin to try to make her smile. I don't know if it's helping, but I know she appreciates my small effort, and that means a lot to me.

 I just thought tonight, this would be a good opportunity to tell folks in case you know someone who could sure use the distraction, now, or in the near future. Don't wait for him or her to ask. Just call and offer, or just stop by the hospital... if it's not something your friend would want, he or she can let you know. But if it IS something he or she would want, I'll betcha he or she, like me, just doesn't know how to ask.