We're still sitting in the floor, some of the crowd has broken up, and the police officer is smiling at B.B., calming her down, stroking her hand and telling her she HAS to stay with Mommy from now on, okay?
B.B., is looking up at me, having seen my tears and saying "Are you okay, Mommy? You okay?" in her little drawl.
I remembered a conversation Deat and I had about this particular officer. I looked at her and told her, "My husband spoke well of you."
She replied, "I thought a lot of him, we all did at the department... I'm so sorry, it was such a horrible thing..." I had to smile at her, she had big, kind eyes and such genuine fondness for my husband's memory and concern for the girls and me. We got up and walked together, and fell into a conversation I've had many times since his death:
"I didn't even know he was sick."
"Nobody did. He didn't want anyone to know."
"How are you getting along..."
"We're okay, the community has been so supportive..."
Then she said, "You must be a really strong person."
To which I gave my standard reply, "No, I'm not strong, God is strong, I just hand it up."
She grinned and said, "THAT makes sense. My partner and I talked about it several times right after he died. We'd see you coming into the school and you'd smile and wave at us and we'd say 'HOW does she do it? How does she do it with all she's going through and still manage to give us a smile?"
I laughed, and told her, "See, you guys didn't know it, but YOU lifted ME up! I could be having the worst morning, then you two would wave and smile at me and it always made ME feel better!" I then told her more about the ways God had taken such good care of us during Deat's illness and since his death.
She said, "Ya know, some people claim to have the light in their lives, say they do, but you, your light SHINES."
I felt my eyes tearing up again. I thanked her and told her, "you have no idea what a gift you just gave me, saying that." It was a gift for a couple reasons: when Deat first passed, I couldn't help but think how I would want him to be proud of the way I conducted myself in the midst of my grief, and I had also so hoped that God would use me, that in the midst of what others saw as such a tragedy, that something I said or did would show God's glory and infinite protection.
We walked around the store together for a while, talking about the Lord and she told me all about her police-partner, how they had become best friends since working together, and how she felt God had blessed them with each other. I finally learned her name.
Thank you Officer Frances, God used you to bless me today.
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