Long time, no see, ya'll.
Today's post is something of a re-tread, I've told part of this story on the blog before. I'm retelling it because:
- It's my one of my very favorite Deat stories.
- It's timely.
- I think this is a really important reminder, and
- The story is almost entirely written already, so it's should be a quick and easy cut/paste... you know me, I'm all about the easy. Maybe this will renew my writing a bit. Day one of the new year and already a post in!
It all started with this blog post by an old friend from college about the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie letter. I had read the "letter." I suspected, but didn't know it was a hoax, until this morning.
I'll give you a minute to read Falls' post. I"ll wait... Yes, I know he's a good writer, you can check out more of his stuff later. (Cue waiting music)
I'll give you a minute to read Falls' post. I"ll wait... Yes, I know he's a good writer, you can check out more of his stuff later. (Cue waiting music)
So anyway, After reading HIS post, I sent him the following note, which is now doubling as today's blog post:
Re: today's Pitt-Jolie post.
I lived something similar. It began a few years before it became real. I didn't know he was sick. He didn't know he was sick (denial). All I knew was, he didn't seem to be holding up his end on the chores, I had grown resentful, and our marriage had grown listless. He didn't seem to appreciate me, and I certainly didn't appreciate him.
So, I went back the vows. The vows said "cherish". They didn't say, "unless you don't feel like it today." I tried a simple experiment. When he walked in the door after work, I acted like it was the greatest thing that happened to me all day, whether I "meant" it or not. Same thing if I came in after he did. I smiled; I fawned over him; I asked about his day and unrelentingly took his side...
He responded. At first with a little confusion, but then as anyone would. Imagine knowing you are going home to someone who is not only glad, but THRILLED to see you and cares about everything that happened to you during the day... He walked in smiling and ready to give back what he was getting. Before 3 weeks had passed, I wasn't "acting" anymore. The minute he walked in WAS the best part of my day.
Fast forward to 2008. We were standing in the large mirror in the bathroom getting ready for yet another doctor appointment and his breathing was becoming ragged. I said "Honey, sit down, that's why the chair is in here."
He sat, frustrated after 7 months of dialysis and repeated hospital stays/visits, and tests of all kinds to see if he was fit for transplant.
Disgusted, he said, "I want you to look at what I've been reduced to."
For some reason, anger flew all over me. I had been working so hard at being cheerful and finding the blessings along this journey. I was rushing to come up with a positive, and comically enough, I spat the first one I could think of at him:
"(Insert full name, the one you only use when you're REALLY mad, here)! You better jump back and count your blessings! For one thing, you have a wife who absolutely worships the ground your walk on!"
He looked up in the mirror and grinned, "I do, don't I?"
He died before the month was out.
I can't tell you how much I cherish that moment. I am so blessed to have not one regret, nothing left unsaid. I know, he knew.
So, the Pitt-Jolie story?
Yeah. Let that sucker go viral as it can, if only one more wife and/or one more husband may learn the value of how the cherish vow REALLY works.
